Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Is that a stimulus package, or are you just happy to see me?

Word of the day... (Thank you Dictionary.com)

Stimulus - [stim-yuh-luhs]

1. Something that incites to action or exertion or quickens action, feeling, thought, etc
2. Something that excites an organism or part to functional activity.

Its official! The Obama legislature has out done Pfizer and produced one hell of an expensive little blue pill to get the flagging phallus of our economy erect again. Needless to say, I hope it works, if not, we can always sell a shirt that says, "I got your stimulus package right here...".

Thursday, February 12, 2009


 Watching these bail-out proceedings, CEO floggings at the T.A.R.P. hearings, ranting congressmen, pissed off president, bitching and moaning foreclosure victims, etc...
I can't help but wonder how the military is holding up through all of this. Where's their billions, eh? If anyone needs bailing it's those poor guys and gals wading through the blood, sand and civilian contractors day and night, fighting "the good fight". Where are their private, armored jets to get from one side of the green zone to the other? Oh yeah... half of the fighting is being done from Nevada armchairs behind high def widescreens with joysticks in hand. Hell that sounds like a pretty good job! Maybe the endless hours in front of the game console is finally paying off!
So... Maybe my kid does have a future after all. In honor of those fine, low-flying armchair warriors I am dedicating this new design...  Enjoy.


Thursday, February 5, 2009

GoBama Go...

Man Steve what a blow dealt by our new Prez eh? No more than 500 large for you pal. Actually a $500,000 cap sounds a little too large considering the work that you do as our illustrious chief exec. In fact, if you get anywhere near that number I will personally put a cap in your ass! Wait...
whose the beneficiary if our company goes "headless"? 
 Oh I forgot... That cap only applies if we're getting a government handout. Now there's an idea!
Let's become a bank, force it into ruin and get in line behind these other crooks with our hat in hand. We could buy a luxury jet for making tee shirt deliveries, throw a big Vegas "thank you"
bash for our six customers and get Sarah Palin to give us all lap dances in trade for a big 2012 campaign contribution!

Monday, February 2, 2009

Recession Schmession...

I don't know if I'm really on board with this idea yet. So far it just feels like a little vacation.
Like the last couple days of a camping trip where there's nothing in the cooler but some milky
water and a graying lump of what may once have been burger.
A lowly peanut butter granola bar passed over by all but the
bravest of scavengers. No folks it's merely a slowdown, a welcome
respite from the madness of 21st century consumption.
And to all you fine able bodied bums in the unemployment line I say:
Get a damn job! America wouldn't have such ridiculously high
unemployment numbers if people would just go to work! Besides,
this line is freaking ghastly and if I can even motivate a few of you
to get the f#$% out my way I'll get my check and hence my beer that much sooner.
I'm not worried. No bank would'a loaned me money anyway even
if I did want to buy this here trailer and I know from a lifetime of experience that it takes at least six months before the sheriff makes good on those threats.
So relax, crack a cold one, go score a bag off my man Phelps
down the street and buy a few tee shirts.
In fact buy a white one so it really shows off those sweat stains.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Look at the little guy go...

Oooh looky, looky kids,
Stevo's all fired up. And speaking of fired,
I guess you don't have to worry now do you pal?
At four feet tall and all the axe man ends up looking right over the
top of your head and nails the poor bastard in the cubicle behind you. 
Let me remind you what Hiphazard looks like without me.


Saturday, January 31, 2009

Zack is such a JERK!

OK, so I was drunken blogging. Who doesn’t occasionally let one fly in a moment of deep despair? Not over the economy, nor the fact that no one seems to want to buy our shirts, but because I have to work with such a JERK!

There are not enough tubes on the interweb to contain the volume of words I have in response to your slanderous posts. Yes, I am on the metaphorical ledge, eating all the peanut butter snacks I can get my hands on. You of all people should know I only do it for attention. I am the numbers guy. I would have to eat roughly…1 million(?) peanut butter cracker sandwiches to remotely increase my chance of coming face to face with Salmon Ella.

But how dare you attack my stature, in case you missed it, Microsoft is laying people off. I could find another screen printer. Don’t worry about being surprised by a reduction in force, if Hiphazard decides to lay anyone off, I will be the first to know… and you will be the second.

Friday, January 30, 2009

You people are so cruel!

Man I don't know if I can take all of this criticism, constructive or otherwise you people are harsh! I guess I understand why Steve's still standing on the edge of that skyscraper with a fork sticking in his eye. I just can't finger out why he hasn't jumped yet. Yo Stevo, I'm back. I got my coffee and you're a go pal. Here's a couple more for you to ponder on your way down... Z